Life Transitions
Is this something new or is this one of life’s transitions?
Transitions are an unavoidable part of life. They are challenging, even when positive because they disrupt the familiar and require us to make a change. They force us to face the future; but at the same time, they cause us to feel fearful, uncertain, and vulnerable.
Life transitions can start with losses of a role, a person, a place, or your sense of how you fit in the world. We struggle because these situations don’t always match our expectations of what our lives are meant to be.
Sometimes, transitions present an opportunity to learn about our strengths or to explore what we really want out of life. On a positive note, this can usher in renewal, stability, and a new equilibrium. At other times, they just leave us stunned, alone, and feeling unable to cope.
“I’ve been through lots of changes in my life. What’s the big deal?”
Life transitions happen with changes in the familiar or loss of something important.
Examples of transitional change can be caused by moving away from home, adjustment to college or a new job, career change, empty nesting, changes in financial status, retirement, selling a home and buying a new one, marriage, and childbirth or adoption.
Although loss is an expected transition, it alters the familiar and your life expectations. Infidelity, divorce or separation, and death of a loved one are forms of lost relationships.
Infertility and postpartum depression are consequences of a desire to have a family.
Accidents, serious illness, disability, and aging can alter us physically and mentally.
Questions of life’s meaning and purpose, faith or spirituality, or sexual and gender identity are all challenging life transitions.
Transitions – good or bad
A life transition can be positive or negative, planned or unexpected. It can happen one at a time or in multiples.
Sometimes transitions occur without warning and can be both dramatic and traumatic (e.g., accidents, death, divorce, loss of a job, illness).
At other times, they can be positive, yet still scary. Marriage, college, new employment, having a baby, or moving from home are positive events in one’s life, but they result in change. Even planned and anticipated events, like retirement, can be just as life-altering as unexpected ones, sometimes causing anxiety and fear.
Whether positive or negative, life’s transitions disrupt what’s familiar and force you to adjust to new ways of coping and living. You feel completely unprepared, in a personal or family crisis. Add to that, feeling shocked, angry, and sad. You aren’t sure what to do.
Life transitions are normal.
Your future becomes filled with questions. It’s normal to feel stressed, afraid, and confused. You might feel very lonely, angry, sad, frustrated, discouraged, and out of solutions.
Your anxiety is through the roof. You’re fatigued, can’t sleep, and resort to unhealthy coping strategies. You’re ready to give up, give in, call it quits!
But you realize that with inaction, nothing will change, and you’ll only feel worse.
This is the time to depend on your support system – family, friends, co-workers. Talk with them and let them help, even when you’d rather isolate yourself at home.
“But they don’t want to be bothered by my problems!”
They care, but maybe you don’t want to confide personal or family details to your support people. You might think they’re tired of listening to you talk on and on about your problems or sometimes spontaneously cry. That’s okay!
Maybe, you’re a very private person, embarrassed to talk to other people about your life challenges, lest they see you as weak or incompetent.
This is when a therapist can help a lot!
“How can you help me?”
If you know that a change is in your future and you don’t handle change well, it’s extremely helpful to meet with a therapist to help you prepare for changes.
We can work together at your own pace to identify your fears and develop new coping strategies. These feelings will have less power over you when you have a safe place to express them, examine them, and find solutions.
Don’t think feelings of grief and loss will go away on their own. I am an experienced therapist, and I will help you through the process.
It will take time, and we’ll work through these sad and scary thoughts and feelings in a way that’s most supportive and respectful of you.
But you have no idea how bad I feel!
Feeling upset or uncomfortable is part of the process, even when the future holds positive promise. I know how normal it is to feel sadness for what you’re leaving behind.
Don’t compare yourself to people who tell you how fast they “got over” it or how life will be better very soon. Don’t be shamed by others, who want to rush you through the disruption of life.
It’s important to talk to a therapist, who can help you move past self-doubt and fear.
Recovery will happen.
Therapy takes time to work. Life transitions are a shock to our brains and bodies. It takes some time to “wrap our heads around” what’s happened. It takes time to sink new ideas into our brains.
You might feel like you need more than one appointment a week for a while. That’s okay. Move slowly.
Even happy transitions require a period of adjustment. The first day of high school or an exciting new job can be some of the scariest days of your life. Don’t know anyone. Don’t even know where you’re supposed to go. Panic immobilizes you.
You’re not the only person to ever feel this way. Each of us has a “comfort zone.” If you don’t have enough support and resources when forced out of your comfort zone, you become overwhelmed.
These unexpected, sudden, or undesirable changes lead to distress, confusion, and disruption.
I can help you!
There is no way around it. Life transitions are hard. I can help you with the terrible thoughts and feelings that keep running through your head and affect your ability to function at the same high level as before.
Yes, you might feel like your life has been destroyed. I can help you put it back together, so you can feel whole again.
You don’t have to suffer alone. Please call me right now at (301) 309-8077!